I turn down most people when I am asked to hang out.
I'm always concerned I won't have fun, won't have anything to talk about, and I dislike having things on my social calendar. Here's a little taste of how the inner dialogue goes down:
Sounds fun!
What if it's not fun?
What if I don't have anything to talk about?
What would I wear?
What if I get hungry?
What if I get tired?
What if I say 'yes' now, but when the time comes I feel more like staying home and reading a book?
What if I have to get up early the next day?
What if I don't know how to get there?
Where will I park?
I am an extreme home body, an introvert, and I'm also quite socially anxious. Take away the alcohol of my early twenties and I'd rather stay at home with my knitting or my scrapbooking or a movie. I didn't even go out on New Year's Eve like I said I would.
So I quite surprised myself on Wednesday night, as I was training a client I've had for a couple of years, she asked me to accompany her to see Mandy Patinkin and Patti Lupone perform at the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts. She had an extra ticket.
My first thought was 'no', of course, but I continued to say 'yes' aloud. In the back of my mind I knew it was a great opportunity to see these two perform and see the new Kauffman Center.
Now, I had little to no idea who these two were before their performance, and when she said we should have dinner before I made myself say 'yes' again. I wanted to say 'no' to dinner very badly.
Her sitting across from me for an hour....What on earth would I have to say for that length of time? Sure I've been training her for years and she's a great friend in that environment, but sitting down and looking at each other from across the table made me nervous. *
So I said 'yes' to both and enjoyed myself very much. (surprise!) Dinner was great with great conversation and the show was enjoyable. I did enjoy Patti Lupone's performance a lot, Mandy's less than that, but it was a great show and I didn't fall asleep. It even sparked my interest in seeing Evita and Carousel.
So I said 'yes' and I want to try to say 'yes' to more things in the future. It may seem like a funny pep talk for an almost 30 year old to have with herself, but it's truly hard work for me to be social.
*Let me say now that this post is all about my fears and has nothing to do with this friend of mine, she's wonderful.
4 comments:
Such an honest post, Cheryl. Thanks for sharing those feelings. You are definitely not alone in that conversation with yourself. I know I've had that same conversation. It's so easy to get comfortable in our lives. My husband and I are both guilty of this and so from time to time, we also make ourselves say "yes" to something we would normally say no to! The conversation in my head also includes: Is this worth taking a shower for...because then I have to do my hair and my make up and shave and find something to wear...usually by the end of just the getting ready process (in my mind) it sounds like too much effort and I just want to stay home! ha!
i'm 32 and i give myself pep talks all of the time. i think part of getting older is knowing yourself and knowing how you might like to change and then helping yourself get there.
ps- i'm still in love with your dog.
I'm in love with her too.
this is a wonderful post :) i can relate to much of what you said. i am a huge homebody! also, i have a dashchund, too! she is my favorite!!!!
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